I'm not sure what "processing" is supposed to look like, but I know I have to try and make sense of this trip. I don't know, and can't yet explain, a lot of what I felt and didn't feel. It was clear that I wasn't the same person who went two years ago; I connected differently, observed more, got frustrated more easily. But somehow, this time, I fell more in love. Maybe not with the people individually, but with the region, the village, ADESJO (Freddy). I'm not in love with the Dominican Republic, but rather with one region. One specific place most people never see, let alone love.
My mom asked me if I love it just because it is where I was most recently. Somehow, it's more than that. It's like when you fall in love; sure, you will love other people, but not in that same, specific, deep way. I don't know if it's a lifetime love, but right now it is where my heart lies. There, and with our family of eleven. I want, and need, to go back. Whether it is with my STL kids, SMC or alone. I need to be there. I need to be in their culture, in their systems and work side by side for more than five days. I want to share their struggles and triumphs; be a woman in a machismo society. See where it takes me. Right now, this is my lifetime organization. Donations, spreading the word, volunteering. It makes sense that ADESJO would be my lifetime partner; how easy is it to share about an organization when the love oozes from your soul? when the people hold your heart?
I don't really know what comes next, or what just happened. I don't know my next adventure will change my path; it's okay if it does. What I do know is right now I want to save, travel and serve. Today that destination is to San Jose de Ocoa. Maybe next year it will be somewhere else. But I have to save and I have to serve. I'm okay with my path changing so long as I hold firm to my beliefs and fall in love with what I am working with others to accomplish. Jesus knows the way.
I fell in love in a different way this trip. Looking back, it makes perfect sense. How can you fall in love the same way two years apart with different people? I had changed and the village was new. How can one expect two relationships to be the same with two entirely different entities? So now, it makes sense. But then? I was scared it wasn't following what I was used to; I was scared love couldn't exist twice. How vulnerable I was and how blind; the love was there, just in a different form. I see that now. It was/is because of my family of eleven that I not only did see that love, but now I get to hold on to it.
So here's to you guys. Thank you. For opening my eyes, for being my support, and for showing me the way. Without you, I would have turned my back on one of the greatest loves I've ever known. That would have been cray cray.
With love,
Sabrina.
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